My new favorite show is ?Francesco?s Italy: Top to Toe.? I watch a lot of TV for a living (don?t ask) and when I?m working I don?t automatically turn on the set the minute I get home. So when a friend texts me, ?You must tivo Francesco,? I follow. That?s how I find out things, mostly. That and here.

I settled in to watch my first episode a few weeks ago and what a delight! I?m not quite sure WHO Francesco is ? he?s straight out of an 1960s Technicolor American film central casting of the stereotypical Italian male: the fabulous accent, the gorgeous, loving family, the Alpha Romeo, the Venetian residence, the charm. ?Usually thees residences are-a closed to the public ? but luckily, thee owner ees a friend of my father?s.? Francesco da Mosto, it turns out, is a Count, which means he can count everyone as a friend.

He teaches you a little bit about art (Giotto!), clothing (he knows?Armani!) and Shakespeare (in Verona, he recites Romeo?s soliloquy to a costumed Juliet on the balcony.) It just all makes sense, in an odd way, like perma-enthused Huell Howser, but flitting up and down the long laces of Italy?s boot top to toe. Because he’s an architect, you have your own “in,” but he doesn’t talk down to you. Because he’s Italian, he appreciates food and art and wine and puts you immediately at ease because he’s not a painter or a chef. You’re never out of your own depth. And being in a two-seater, the show?s premise is genius, because you are invited to ride along with him?beside him?(he even says in Tuscany, ?I think you may have a secret dream to own a villa and ? perhaps ? with an eetalian lover ? like me!?)

Francesco?s entire ensemble from top to toe is that effortlessly-thrown-together-and-hopelessly-chic Italian that Americans can never pull off, just like his hair. It?s slightly feathered (yes!) and silvery-white and kind of ? pouffy. Shoes are either for putting out forest fires or for leaving an exclamation point of a footprint. But would I call Francesco a pouf? NO way! And not just because he kisses his family goodbye at the beginning (?Eetsa so hard to leave one?s family behind? he laments as his mother kisses him and his kids yell, ?Ciao, Papa!?) or wears loafers. If you had any doubts, watch it with the volume down and follow Francesco?s eye. ?Ciao Bambina,? he casually addresses any female in his vicinity, but somehow you can?t be offended. Whereas an American man would be ?metrosexual,? Francesco?s just ? Italian:

?Eet was here that we learned to how to write, how to paint, how to garden, how to eat and drink ? how to behave ?how to rule ? and how to LOVE. Theese land is ? everything ? you have ever wanted.? He illustrates each point with his hands as a mandolin plays on the soundtrack. I feel drunk when I watch him.

One night, examining a Baroque sculpture of Hades? abduction of Persephone, Francesco exclaimed, ?Eet is ? how you say? ? ?sensuale.?? I?m starting to get all confused. Do Giada and Francesco know each other? Why hasn?t anyone started the Italian Channel? I?d be a happy shut-in. However, this is not to be. I?m heading out to my little cabin in the Mojave, about as far away from Magnolia, Italy, the Food Network, and the Travel Channel as you can get, to get away from it all between jobs. Armed with the results of a gift-certificate from Larchmont Beauty Center, a giant hat, and my french 60 sunblock, I?m on my way. Besides, I had my first face peel. Although it is LA (and the Valley in particular) and walking around post-peel in glasses and a hat is completely socially acceptable, I think, What Would Giada Do? What Would Francesco Do? Since there aren?t any ?8 1/2-style mineral water spas I can hole up in for a week (well, there ARE, but I can?t afford them,) I?ll hide out in the desert, where, if anyone sees me, they?ll assume my flaking face is just windburned from hiking through Joshua Tree.

Besides, I had an embarrassing reminder today that I needed a vacation, that I had been Valley-bound too long. Bringing my pup to the vet for ?anal gland expression? (yes, I know, it?s disgusting, and it sounds like some kind of pornstar primal therapy), I signed us in, and under ?reason for visit? I wrote ?anal sex? instead of ?anal glands.? I quickly crossed it out, but that only made it worse. I have to get out of the Valley! And so do you!

reposted comments:

1. Excellent, excellent, series. Francesco pulled it off brilliantly. I found this to be the most interesting and visually appealing series ever to air on the Travel Channel. Having been to Italy before, this series gives me the excuse to travel there again in the future.
Comment by BT ? March 5, 2007 @ 5:59 am

2. I?m very pleased you liked the series so much.
You seem to have caught the essence of it right from the word ?go.?
Thanks for watching
Wait for the sequel: Francesco?s Mediterranean
Comment by one of the makers ? March 26, 2007 @ 4:40 pm

3. I can?t wait!
Comment by Donna Lee ? March 27, 2007 @ 1:51 pm

4. OK? I?m intrigued. I?ll check it out. An Italian accent just makes my knees weak. By the way, it?s ?ALFA Romeo? and not ?Alpha Romeo? (or the dreaded ?Alpha Romero?). The company was originally known as ALFA, which is an acronym for Anonima Lombarda Fabbrica Automobili. Since this has become such a wiki, wiki world, just check out the boring tidbits here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alfa_Romeo
Comment by GG ? April 20, 2007 @ 8:51 am

I am so in girl-love with Giada DeLaurentiis. Not in love that way, but in that other way ? I wanna be like Giada. I wanna cook like Giada, I want my grandparents to be Dino DeLaurentiis and Silvana Mangano, I want to have custom shoes made in Rome, and eat, eat, eat, and still be tiny. That skin! That hair! Those teeth! Donna DeLaurentiis ? well, it sounds right, anyway. Can?t I just be Giada for a day?

My boyfriend does not share my enthusiasm for all things Giada.

?I think her head is gonna float away like a giant balloon,? he observed as we watched Giada?s three day weekend in New York. ?Her arms will keep flapping and her head will still have that huge smile. She scares me.?

I offered to change the channel but he declined. He watches it for the opposite reasons I do, but whatever. He?s a Nigella fan - as am I, but I can?t tear myself away from the infectiousness of all things DeLaurentiis. My friend Mark wants his boyfriend to quit his job and stay home to prepare meals ?like Giada ? he can go to the Farmer?s Market every day and get everything while I?m at work.? He also observed that she?s ?the only chef with her own Foley artist and sound effects department - listen to her chop onions - when she says ?mmmm? it?s almost sensurround. I think that her chocolate obsession, though, is more for women.? Huh? Another friend observes that Giada is now the great cocktail party chatter common-denominator. ?I went to this party alone and I thought, oh great - then this woman came up to me and said, ?Do you watch Giada?? Ever check out the food blogs about her??

Y?know, I hadn?t ? but they do confirm what one of my girlfriends says: ?Every man I know is obsessed with her cleavage!? A sampling:

?As for Giada?s new show, I won?t watch. I do like Everyday Italian because of the quick pasta dishes and cleavage.?

Another observes: ?The angle on her own set is set up so she has to lean towards the camera to get half of the things she uses, more on days she?s wearing a low cut top. At least they finally found her a bottle of conditioner.?

Holy of holies, this is a food show ? isn?t it?

?Overall it?s not bad and good production values but some of mildly soft porn close-ups of her eating are a bit cheesy.?

More reasons to be Giada, as reported by the Rocky Mountain News:

?It takes three days to shoot an episode, so Giada is usually eating for TV three to four times a day,? said Anne Fox, president and executive producer for CPG in Denver. ?If she cleaned her plate each time, she?d be too full for the next restaurant scene.

?So we carefully monitor what she eats for camera. However, if we don?t remind her to stop eating, she?ll continue to eat, especially if she really loves the food.?

I?m ready to sign in blood on the dotted line. Or at the very least, have people who remind me to stop eating.

reposted comments:

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I love Giada, too.

She?s the anti-Raechel.

Seriously.

I actually look forward to her show on Saturday morning.
Comment by Lance ? February 7, 2007 @ 3:27 pm
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I love that sexy Giada-saurus Rex !!
Big head, little arms and a whole lotta sex appeal.
Comment by Merlin the Merkin ? February 8, 2007 @ 12:50 pm
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It won?t be long until a Jenna Jameson-looking chef shows up on Food Network?s doorstep, toting a cookbook full of aphrodisiatic recipes. With cleavage that dwarfs (pun intended) Giada?s, and the biggest, nicest? teeth on television. Perhaps she won?t be wearing anything under her apron.
Comment by FoodMarathon ? February 9, 2007 @ 3:34 pm
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Giada shows off cleavage during her show? Hmmm, I never noticed?.

I like her a food?a, too. (said with Italian accent)

And I love when the bitchy aunt stops by and criticizes her cooking.
Comment by badMike ? February 9, 2007 @ 4:02 pm

I know what you?re thinking - waxing events, right? Wrong. From WP?s latest release: ?Wax Poetic opened its doors as a small boutique salon in January 2000 and has tripled in size to encompass three businesses in its 3,000-square-foot location. Wax Poetic is a full-service salon, day spa, art gallery and elixir bar. Wax Poetic is located in the historic Magnolia Park shopping district at 3208 W. Magnolia Blvd. in Burbank. To learn more about the wide range of salon and spa services offered at Wax Poetic go to: waxpoeticsalon.com or call 818-843-9469.?

They are most aptly named. I?ve pulled over in the most remote places just to take beauty salon photos, like the ?Turkey Beauty Shoppe? in Turkey, NC, and ?Dottie?s Beauty Court? (logo is a woman in judge?s robes, ?sentencing? an unenlightened woman with a blow dryer!) in Wilmington, NC. I?m fascinated by salon names and a photoblog of my end of the Valley alone would surely contain ?The HAIRDO? (yes, the word ?HAIRDO? is in all capitals) on Victory, Frenchy?s on Magnolia (which is retro, as opposed to ?The HAIRDO? which is just ? old), the sadly-not-David-Lynch-themed-Blue Velvet Salon, with Suburbia right across the street on Ventura in Studio City, just down the block from Allen Edwards who, as all glamorites know, invented Farrah. Or rather, her hairdo. But who knew Farrah before they knew her hair, anyway?

The salons in Burbank alone but for brevity?s sake will confine it to that strip on Magnolia where Wax Poetic and Frenchy?s are - ?Magnolia Village.? This geographic glamor capital contains a bonanza of outlandish salon names including the terrifying ?YUMMY HAIR? (yes, in large flaming red capital letters, as if on fire) that shares strip-mall space next to a laundromat; the ?Arcade Beauty Box? - now there?s three terms thrown together that you don?t normally see, the ?Classic Line of Beauty,? ?El Greco Coiffures? (maybe he hangs out w/his buddy, ?Michael Angelo?s Coiffures!), ?Pearl?s Curls,? ?Hair to Please,? ?The Hair Tailor? ?Handz and Strandz? and puzzingly, ?Blond?s? which makes me wonder if it?s a punctuation mistake or someone?s actual name. In New York there was a ?House of Blondes? which made me think of a whorehouse but not as much as the horrifyingly named ?Best Little Hair House in Burbank,? located of course on Magnolia.

Hairdresser names are a whole other thing, like a stage name as in ?Bordeaux Brenton? on (of course) Magnolia. I imagine Bordeaux as a kindly Southern gentleman, unlike the ?Caroll George Hairobics? in Toluca Lake, who Bourdeaux should really take aside and urge a name change. My friend Sarah, before she moved to London, swore by a hairdresser named ?LeDoux? in Beverly Hills (named after the street perhaps?) while a friend in Boston found a hairdresser named ?Champagne the Locksmith? and went to him regularly until he disappeared. I had a disappearing hairdresser, too, down the block from me on East 11th street in NY. Nigel was his name, and his boyfriend, Dennis, shared my enthusiasm for Lawrence Welk and Norma the Champagne Lady. Going there was really fun. I?m not sure what happened, but they suddenly packed up and moved without notice one day. Maybe there?s some kind of ?Champagne the Locksmith? bermuda triangle of missing hairdressers with great names who like champagne. Where are you, Champagne? Are you with Nigel and Dennis, in Branson, perhaps? Does Bourdeaux know?

reposted comments:

speaking of Farrah - in my hometown we had a beauty parlor called
Charlie?s Angels salon and I recall my Mom going to a place called ?Jeannie?s Beauty Nook? (just a nook - not a full parlor?)
Comment by Merlin the Merkin ? February 6, 2007 @ 10:48 am

Just one correction, doll?Turkey is right here in NORTH Carolina, not that wretched wasteland to our south. And thanks for the Dottie?s plug!
Comment by mavis ? February 6, 2007 @ 11:31 am

Very interesting to read. I am opening a salon of my own in April and found this while looking for names. I wish there was a cool book to read with fun salon names. I am thinking of Jen-U-N Styles. Who knows. Any ideas would be appreciated. Small town of 1500, cater to younger croud and men, women children. cuts, color, wax and scalp massage.
Comment by jen ? February 19, 2007 @ 11:38 am