Terror attacks continue to increase worldwide:

Terrorist attacks worldwide shot up more than 25 percent last year, killing 40 percent more people than in 2005, particularly in Iraq where extremists used chemical weapons and suicide bombers to target crowds, the State Department said Monday.

In its annual global survey of terrorism, the department said 14,338 attacks took place in 2006, mainly in Iraq and Afghanistan, 3,185 more than in 2005 representing a 28.5 percent increase.

These strikes claimed a total of 20,498 lives, 13,340 of them in Iraq, 5,800 more, or a 40.2 percent increase, than last year, it said.

Despite the grim figures, State Department officials pointed to some successes in the war on terror. . .

Let’s cut through this bullshit about “some successes” and put the Bush administration’s miserable record on terrorism in perspective. Bush’s “leadership,” if one can call it such, has been an disaster for the “war on terror.” All one has to do is look at the figures for terrorist attacks before Bush’s decision to invade Iraq on a PNAC nation-building experiment.

The number of terror attacks worldwide in 2003, according to the State Department’s analogous report issued in 2004, was 208. That’s right, two-hundred and eight.

The number of terror attacks have soared under Bush, to 11,111 such attacks in 2005, and then to 14,338 last year. From 208 to 14,338 in just three years — a rise of 6,893% in just three years.

There is no room to argue about “successes” in the face of such dismal failures. And still serial-prevaricator and GOP front-runner Rudy Guiliani can vapidly claim that only a Republican can keep Americans safe? The truth is the Republican record on terror is every bit as abysmal as its record on Iraq.

The M-as in (Aunty) Margaret Appeal

I look like the Joker in reverse - all red face with white outlines. I had a face peel last night (Oh! The amazing Doc Hollywood and Skin Care by Karen, whose goal was and is ?to help make everyone more beautiful.? What an admirable goal that is!) On me, it just looks like a sunburn. ?Get some cullah!? people urged me as a kid and young teen. As if a redhead can ?get? color.

Ask any of us - my mother?s family is half Portuguese and tanned motionless through 1970s beach summers, while I languished under an umbrella, sunhat and white t-shirt on, reading comic books and wishing I could be Malibu Skipper or Betty or Veronica. Well, we redheads got the last laugh, because years of getting no ?cullah? mean years of no wrinkles and no skin cancer, which is my cause, not only because of our propensity for it, but because I found melanoma on my father and it was pretty serious.

I have sunblock everywhere, of all kinds - in the car, at my desk, at home, in bags. I order it from France (La Roche Posay!) and I check out new sunblock products with the same zeal as I do for regular makeup. Why the peel you ask? Mostly preventative, actually. Last night as I lay there getting my eyelashes dyed pre-peel (I look invisible w/out it), Karen told me of one of her clients, a 71 year old woman with macular degeneration. She is now completely blind, but that does not hinder her beauty routine - Karen picks her up for her regular appointment where she gets facials, mani-pedi, eyebrow wax and eyelash dye. No matter that she can?t see the results - she feels better because she knows she looks better.

One of my beauty goddesses is my late Aunty Margaret (that?s pronounced ?Ahnty? if you?re not from New England.) She took the train to Filene?s Basement every Saturday until she was no longer able and once proudly announced to me when I asked how she was:

?Eighty-one and ninety-two pounds!?

My grandparents finally had to put her in the home, not because she was ill, but because she started grinding out her Virginia Slim 120s on the carpet with her high heels. She lived to be 94, smoking invisible Virginia Slims, while my Aunty Blanche (her sister, and Aunty Margaret never missed a chance to tell us how ?chubby? Blanche ?once ate three eggs!? as a child) put on her mink stole and did the daily rounds of the home, imagining she was the proprietress and mistaking the horrible moans of the aged as cries from the nursery. A much better alternative to reality as my father and I both agreed. Even my grandfather?s sense of style was legendary: he was a snazzy dresser until he could no longer see and I?m sure even then dictated to the nurses what to dress him in. Visiting him at the end, down the hall from Aunty Margaret?s old room, he asked how old I was.

?I?m 34, Papa.?

?But you can?t be - I?m only 29!?

The third sister, my Aunt Alice, went bowling the night before she died, at 95. She joined the team at 90. Nothing like trying new things. I?m guessing she looked great, too.

?You can put on neosporin when you?re at home,? Karen counseled me.

?Oh, no - I can do it work! Everyone is eagerly awaiting my peel!? Which is true. I?ve gotten a lot of ?How does it feel? Does it burn? Are you okay? What?s gonna happen??

It doesn?t matter if you?re old or blind. I see ugly rich people every day who have enough money to know better! Or at least to hire someone to make them look better. If you feel beautiful, then you are. I thank my relatives for their good genes and humor on a daily basis and Blanche, Margaret, and Papa all died in the state hospital without a dime.

again, a mass re-paste of comments. my posts would only be incomplete w/out them. -DL

1. Well, to quote from one of our favorite movies, ?Female Trouble: ?Acid DOES what Eterna 27 cannot!? True, Miss Judevine! Oh, and when I was a teenager I decided to quit trying to tan and bared my white legs in defiance. Some guys once yelled at me, ?Hey, get a tan!? Who?s laughing now, boys?
Comment by Mavis ? April 26, 2007 @ 4:24 pm

2. I laughed out loud reading the part about how ?Ahnty? Margaret put her ?Vagina Slimers? out in the rug with her high heels! She is my hero. And from what I gather, one of yours too.
Comment by Pete ? April 26, 2007 @ 4:32 pm

3. She once saw flying saucers!
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 26, 2007 @ 4:47 pm

4. That was real good.
Comment by Jordan Kratz ? April 26, 2007 @ 7:03 pm

5. You write the best damn blogs!
Comment by Pissah ? April 26, 2007 @ 8:38 pm

6. damn?you?re a chip off the old block! what a great family (out of your) treee! i never could find out what Eterna 27 is?after all these years?
Comment by howie pyro ? April 27, 2007 @ 3:00 am

7. Please stay out of the sun, Donna-Pies. I?ve seen veteran tanners who look like old baseball gloves.
Comment by Jim-Jim of Medford ? April 27, 2007 @ 6:29 am

8. Your Aunty Margaret sounds like a blast. Loved the description of Aunty Blanche making the rounds of the old age home wearing a mink stole. How much more Blanche DuBois can you get? What a gal!
Comment by Serena James ? April 27, 2007 @ 7:53 am

Donna you have me in stitches. But I learned a long time ago, that if you like the sun you will wrinkle. If you stay out of the sun you won?t. With my genes I can do either, because my skin as that natural pigmentation that allows me to suntan without burning and to still have skin that feels as soft as a baby?s bottom. Thank God for my skin, it has helped me stay almost forever young. I think your blog is the coolest.

As Always,
Tura Satana
Comment by Tura Satana ? April 27, 2007 @ 6:13 pm

This morning I dropped off my little angel at the vet. The ?little angel? is now down to 79 lbs (perfect weight for a pit bull of his size) and he?s having some lumps and bumps removed, and finally having his teeth cleaned. Because I feed him fresh dog food from the butcher, who also gives us giant, brontosauraus-rib-sized bones, he has never had to have his teeth cleaned until now, at age 6. Irish mother that I am, I fed him this morning (erasing the reminder message from the vet w/out completely listening) so his surgery was ?delayed.? I?ve been praying to St. Francis all morning.

After I dropped him, I stopped at Starbucks on my way to work. Outside were three ?dog moms,? in their designer sweats and casual beauty; dog-moms are different from mall-moms. As I approached the door, all three (small, but not purse-accessory) dogs started vying for attention and I stopped. The first, an apricot-colored fluffball, immediately jumped into my arms and started licking my face.

?My dog matches your hair perfectly!?

I told them that I had just dropped off my pup, and they hoped it wasn?t serious. I reassured them it wasn?t.

?Oh - elective surgery!? We all laughed.

?Yeah, what is this world coming to, when my dog has it before I do?!?

Then we all laughed harder, because it?s true. For $1100, I could probably get that little eyelid-crease-thing I?ve always wanted ( it?s genetic, I swear!), but like any good mother, the baby comes first.

Yesterday, I hiked in the rain and came across a picnic table of Orthodox Jews. Not an unusual site in itself, but they greeted me enthusiastically and one said, ?Do you know a Rabbi Weinberg? If so, is he coming this way??

?I don?t know a Rabbi Weinberg, but maybe I should!?

This seemed to make them all laugh. One girl said, ?You?re so cute, what?s your name??

Cute? I?m in a hoodie, it?s raining, my hair is slicked back and poking out, and I?m sweats and sneakers.

?No, come back! Hang out with us!?

?Maybe I should - you guys don?t have hell, right??

They laughed even more. We never had ?Catholic? picnics on Sundays and even if we did, there wouldn?t be any laughing. Or asking people from ?other religions? to join us.

?Come back!?

?No, I gotta go, but I like how you ask an Irish Catholic if she?s seen a rabbi. There?s a joke there, but I can?t figure it out.?

Reposted comments

1. St. Roch is the patron of both dogs and bachelors, although you may not find those two categories of creatures to be mutually exclusive. . . I once stayed at a Benedictine abbey for a week. A Congregationalist minister went to commumion, the monastery cook had his own sweat lodge, and at Mass were some hermit nuns who made their living by breeding great pyrenees hounds . But there wasn?t a rabbi in sight.
Comment by Jim-Jim of Medford ? April 23, 2007 @ 11:33 am

2. I believe the punch line of that joke is, ?Better than bacon, isn?t it??
Comment by Kiki Maraschino ? April 23, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

3. No more botox for my basset hound!
Comment by Pissah ? April 23, 2007 @ 3:17 pm

4. OY!
Comment by howie pyro ? April 23, 2007 @ 3:45 pm

5. yeah, I?m really hoping to have this chihuahua removed from my thighs. it chafes!
Comment by Chuck A. Rock ? April 23, 2007 @ 5:09 pm

6. The pup is fine and dandy. I like to think Rabbi Weinberg had something to do w/it.
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 23, 2007 @ 6:07 pm

7. Rabbi Weinberg is officiating at my dog?s briss.
Comment by Pissah ? April 24, 2007 @ 11:45 am

8. You were in my dream last night. We were hanging out and you had like 15
bottles of nail polish in various shades of blue. It was the only color you
wore.
Comment by Pete ? April 24, 2007 @ 12:26 pm

9. Are you sure it was a dream?
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 24, 2007 @ 12:32 pm

10. I enjoyed that?sounds like something out of Waiting for Godot.
Comment by sooooo ? April 25, 2007 @ 12:30 pm

Can I just vent? I was in the bookstore with my surrogate-brother, Mark last weekend. We were leisurely perusing titles when soon, a recurring theme started to scream off the shelves at us: ?100 Places to See Before You Die,? ?1000 Paintings You MUST See Before You Die,? ?100 Meals to Eat Before You Die,? etc. Must I be reminded? Isn?t every day a struggle to not face the fact that we are all one day closer to death? Aren?t meals and museums and gardens and food all ways to enjoy that sweet mystery - life - and not from a hospital tray or deathbed? The stress started to get to me and I could feel the anxiety build. The urgency, especially the ones with ?MUST? in the title, was getting to me.

?I feel like if I don?t see/eat/visit/smell all of these things, I?m a colossal failure.? I blurted out. I knew I would have an anxiety attack if I kept my mouth shut.

?Oh, the stress ? promise me you won?t remind me when we?re old that we?d never been to ___ or eaten sea urchins,? Mark added.

?Can you imagine visiting those places? I?d like to tell the local Chamber of Commerce, ?Hi, I?m on my last legs, and I need to see the ___ immediately!? Just think of how demanding you can be, especially with impending death as an excuse - who?d want to be responsible for denying you your last meal??

First, the ?idiot? and ?dummy? books. I don?t like being called either one, just because I am unaware of how to take care of a Schnauzer or program a computer. When I started seeing Sex for Dummies I thought it had reached the pinnacle. Worse, it was on a gorgeous fashion model?s bookshelf, next to Sex for Idiots. I wanted to ask her why she had them but I figured just owning them answered that question.

But the ?before you die? thing is even worse! Just look at these reminders of your mortality and your failure to be culturally educated before the big sleep:

1. ?1,000 Places to See Before You Die?
2. Unforgettable Things to Do Before You Die
3. 2001 Things to Do Before You Die
4. 10 Things to Do Before You Die (for those older people perhaps?)
5. Ten Fun Things to do Before You Die (as opposed to say, contemplating your imminent death which will probably happen as soon as you are halfway down the list?)
6. 1001 Albums You MUST Hear Before You Die
7. 1000 Places to See Before you Die - Puzzle!
8. Fifty Places to Play Golf Before You Die
9. 1001 Books you MUST Read Before You Die
10. 1001 Paintings you MUST See Before You Die.

Now, I just went to Amazon and searched ?before you die.? Interestingly, other ?related searches? include ?halloween, travel? and a few books with ?before you turn 30Åç in the title showed up as well. Handy. I?m still at a stage in my life where I am proud of accomplishing what I MUST do before lunch and not stress over it. This is an ugly, ugly trend.

Reposted comments:

1. ?To do before you turn 65? or what have you would be much more motivating. Then, If you don?t complete the list, you?ll be around to feel guilty about it.
Comment by Step ? April 16, 2007 @ 12:51 pm

2. I?m with you sista?. Although with all the mass murders and global warming issues running rampant I can see how people might need to have a list put together of what they should or shouldn?t do before they die!! Maybe they?re thinkin? ? Wow!! Death appears to be coming way before i expected it to come.? Personally, I am not in need of such a guide book. I am not a list maker and have just started to become a multi-tasker so?.for me??.I say?????.. Gimme a fuckin? break with pre-death lists.
Comment by Tobie ? April 16, 2007 @ 1:05 pm

3. Normally Donna your outrages (E.L.O.) are my outrages but in this case the almighty $ intervenes. My agent is putting the finishing touches on a multi-book deal, that I will write over the next two years, known as the ?Before The Rapture Comes? series. First working title - ?100 Scientific Facts You Must Deny Before The Rapture Comes?. They rejected my ?Rapture For Dummies? title as too ?on the nose?. Frigging Coastal Elites !
Comment by Dan ? April 16, 2007 @ 1:32 pm

4. I love the photo of our Libby!!!! This is when death had a sense of humor and mystery. As for the dummy books, I had a boss once who banned the books from our office saying that they were demeaning.
Comment by Big Ben ? April 16, 2007 @ 1:41 pm

5. Where are the truly helpful books? Like:

How to find a job that you can tolerate for five decades before you die.

How to find a mate that you would like to be with you as you die

or

How to tell everyone who ever got on your nerves to ?F**K OFF? before you die.

That?s the info that is useful. Most people already know that The Church of the Holy Sepulchre is a swell place to visit.
Comment by Brian ? April 16, 2007 @ 1:45 pm

6. I always found the ?Tools for ?tards? series more helpful.
Comment by Merlin the Merkin ? April 16, 2007 @ 2:30 pm

7. For the celebrity set: ?100 Orphans You Should Adopt Before You Die?! Required reading for Madge, Angie, etc.!
Comment by mavis ? April 16, 2007 @ 2:33 pm

8. WOW!!! this is definitely the blog to read before you die?
Comment by howie pyro ? April 16, 2007 @ 5:20 pm

9. I?m not sure I will even be able to make it through my TiVo queue before I die. Too much pressure.
Comment by Kiki Maraschino ? April 16, 2007 @ 6:01 pm

10. Donna,
Your blog is one of the top 10 blogs to read before I die!!!
Comment by Lynda ? April 16, 2007 @ 10:06 pm

11. Why must we do and see various things before we die? Let?s be completely depressing and pick up our copies of:

?200 Vacations To Take Before You?re Incontinent?

?400 Books To Read Before Diabetes Takes Your Eyesight?

?80 Romantic Getaways To Enjoy Before Your Spouse Of 30 Years
Expires?

?100 Walks To Take While Your Hip Still Works?

?50 Unforgettable Journies To Take Before Alzheimer?s Sets In?

Gawd,now I?m REALLY depressed.
Comment by Carl ? April 17, 2007 @ 7:23 am

12. “When I started seeing Sex for Dummies I thought it had reached the pinnacle. Worse, it was on a gorgeous fashion model?s bookshelf, next to Sex for Idiots. I wanted to ask her why she had them but I figured just owning them answered that question.” At least she?s aware that she?s an idiot. That?s pretty rare.
Comment by Pissah ? April 17, 2007 @ 8:21 am

13. You don?t know how much I wanted to get a black marker, cross out the ?for? and write ?WITH? instead ?
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 17, 2007 @ 9:53 am

14. In the seventh grade I watched an anti-marijuana documentary featuring Sonny Bono. Years later, I saw a Totie Fields impersonator in a drag show. Those are two things a person should definitely see before he dies.
Comment by Jim-Jim of Medford ? April 17, 2007 @ 12:37 pm

15. When I die I die?I have lived on ?borrowed? time for years and never think of mortality.
Comment by Jordan Kratz ? April 17, 2007 @ 1:28 pm

16. I have that Sonny Bono movie. The great thing about it is, he never says anything BAD about pot, while saying lots of bad things about alcohol! Who the hell would IMPERSONATE Totie Fields?! We?re all on borrowed time, good lord. And I wrote that piece before the shootings yesterday, in case anyone thinks it?s in bad taste.
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 17, 2007 @ 2:28 pm

17. ?1001 Movies to See Before You Die? includes such classics as ?The Sound of Music,? ?Forrest Gump,? ?Titanic,? ?Moulin Rouge,? and ?Meet the Parents.? Perhaps it?s just a big conceptual joke intended to waste the time of the people most obsessed with how to spend it? Or else it was actually supposed to be ?1001 Movies For Dummies??
Comment by Roger O. Thornhill ? April 18, 2007 @ 8:18 am

18. I hope North by Northwest was on that list, Thornhill. That being said, whoever wrote that list ought to strapped to a seat and forced to sit thru 100 screenings of Titanic and 10 Celine Dion concerts with his eyes clamped open, a la Clockwork Orange.
Comment by Alex ? April 18, 2007 @ 8:42 am

19. BTW, You really should eat sea urchin (actually the roe) before you sleep the big sleep. Good Uni is awesome. Bad uni is fucking horrible, tho.
Comment by Alex ? April 18, 2007 @ 8:43 am

20. It?s the butterscotch-colored gelatinous texture that gets me. I just don?t like food that wobbles.
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 18, 2007 @ 9:31 am

21. perhaps ?1000 ways to die before you die? should be added to the ?must? list. that would weed out a few of the mental midgets.
Comment by Slade ? April 18, 2007 @ 11:39 am

22. Roger, are you sure you weren?t reading ?1001 Movies to Hasten Your Death??
Comment by Donna Lee ? April 18, 2007 @ 2:25 pm

That the Doughy one has become increasingly delusional is readily evidenced by his attempt to transmogrify the mythical “Bush Derangement Syndrome” into the Goldberg Derangement Syndrome.

I try not to let the lefty piling-on of late bug me. But that doesn’t mean it’s not nice to have someone stick up for me every now and then. So many thanks to Steve Burton over at Right Reason for recognizing that, whatever my faults, there is something like a Goldberg Derangement Syndrome out there (as one reader puts it).

If there is a “GDS,” its symptoms are severe myopia and delusional thinking, and Jonah is the only diagnosed case. One of the manifestations of GDS was this boast and challenge to Juan Cole in February, 2005 after a netflap:

Anyway, I do think my judgment is superior to his [Cole’s] when it comes to the big picture. So, I have an idea: Since he doesn’t want to debate anything except his own brilliance, let’s make a bet. I predict that Iraq won’t have a civil war, that it will have a viable constitution, and that a majority of Iraqis and Americans will, in two years time, agree that the war was worth it. I’ll bet $1,000 (which I can hardly spare right now).

The deranged nature of Goldberg’s prediction is especially clear in hindsight. Further episodes of Pantload’s mental affliction are chronicled here, when he confused the perps with the whistleblower, here, where he confused FDR with Bush, here, where he blamed Bush’s unpopularity on an “overreaction” to the Iraq War, as well as here, and here, where he proved that he knows as little about the Holocaust as he does about, say, Iraq or foreign policy.

Goldberg’s hypothesis that the scorn with which his mental droppings received is somehow unmerited and that he occupies similar stature to Bush is both pathetic and egotisticial, and yet further manifestation of his own derangement.

If Jonah’s mind were a horse, they’d shoot it.