National Cheesecake Day!

Oh, nothing serious … wait a few years.

LAKE CITY, Fla. - The state attorney general’s office removed the toll-free number for a sexual assault counseling center from its Web site after an 8-year-old girl was connected instead to a sex chat line.

The North Central Florida Sexual Assault Center shut down months ago, and the company that runs the chat line bought the number.

The girl’s mother, Karen Carter, said her daughter called because she witnessed inappropriate behavior two years ago, but at the time, was not ready to talk about it. Carter said it was nothing serious enough to involve authorities.

Source

‘Course, it’s only Monday. We have the whole week ahead of us. Speaking of, here’s Grandpa of the week:

Attempted exorcism ends in man’s death

PHOENIX - Officers responding to a report of an exorcism on a young girl found her grandfather choking her and used stun guns to subdue the man, who later died, authorities said Sunday.

The 3-year-old girl and her mother, who was also in the room during the struggle between 49-year-old Ronald Marquez and officers, were hospitalized, police said. Their condition was unavailable.

The relative who called police said an exorcism had also been attempted Thursday.

“The purpose was to release demons from this very young child,” said Sgt. Joel Tranter.

Officers arrived at the house Saturday and entered when they heard screaming coming from a bedroom, Tranter said.

Source

What your humble girl reporter did last nite.

article and pix courtesy Elise Thompson/LAist.

Tom Snyder, dead.

So sports fans, who gets the dubious distinction of being The Greatest Living talk show host?

If we’re excluding cable (sorry, Maher) I’ll pick shit … I don’t know who I’ll pick — subject to change when talk shows don’t suck.

Ingmar Bergman, dead.

So sports fans, who gets the dubious distinction of being The Greatest Living Director?

If we’re excluding documentarians (sorry, McElwee!) I’ll pick Brad Bird — subject to change upon the release of the Anderson and Coen flicks.

It’s likely, should dogs ever acquire certain human qualities, that this young fellow will be President of These Here United States.

You wouldn’t know it to look at him, but he’s awfully smart. His girlfriend (he’s surprisingly monogamous, considering his evident good looks) is Ruby, whose breed I’m not sure of tho she resembles a dingo.

She’s well-trained and seems to find Toby just charming. As do I, and often find myself plying him with pig’s ears and the occasional bull’s penis. For what, I’m not sure, since his affection is probably unconditional.

On a lighter note, I’ve got a date on Monday. R. is quite short, she tells me, at 4′10”. On the face of it, this is cute, but it’s also the recipe for a potentially short night. She’ll be zonked after a shot and half.

We’ll see.

Anyway, I’ve got 20 pages or so left in the last Potter, then it’s back to William James.

Goodnight you princes of Maine, you kings of New England.

Just when I think I’ve heard of every weird fetish, I read something like this:

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — A man from Ohio is accused of offering a Florida mother hundreds of dollars to “dunk” and torture her children under water in order to satisfy a bizarre sexual fetish.

Jeff Doland, of Uniontown, Ohio, was arrested by authorities after he flew to Miami, believing he was going to meet a mother of two girls, ages 9 and 12 years old, to pay her $550 to forcibly submerge the children under water until they became unconscious, officials said.

During multiple Internet conversations, Doland told the woman, an undercover agent with the U.S. Secret Service, that “dunking” was his particular form of sexual gratification.

Let’s hope there’s a special cel for those graphically enabled perverts.

I wonder if you get hungover. Does the ceiling spin? If you throw up, where does it go? How do you hold your drink? Questions, questions.

A panel reviewing astronaut health issues in the wake of the Lisa Nowak arrest has found that on at least two occasions astronauts were allowed to fly after flight surgeons and other astronauts warned they were so intoxicated that they posed a flight-safety risk.

The panel, also reported “heavy use of alcohol” by astronauts before launch, within the standard 12-hour “bottle to throttle” rule applied to NASA flight crew members.

Update: uh-oh.

An explosion killed two people Thursday at the airport HQ of a company building the first private manned rocket for Virgin Galactic, Richard Branson’s space tourism venture. Aerial video showed a wrecked flatbed trailer with a large silver tank next to it, and large pieces of debris appeared to be strewn for hundreds of yards

This case brings out different emotions.

The guys I’ve talked to seem to feel “boys will be boys,” though many do feel the girls were victims of a sort.

The women feel much more strongly that the girls were victimized.

My sense is the boys need to be punished. But not as harshly as the district attorney wants them punished.

Cory Mashburn and Ryan Cornelison, both 13, were arrested in February after they were caught in the halls of Patton Middle School, in McMinnville, Ore., slapping girls on the rear end. Mashburn told ABC News in a phone interview that this was a common way of saying hello practiced by lots of kids at the school, akin to a secret handshake.

The boys spent five days in a juvenile detention facility and were charged with several counts of felony sex abuse for what they and their parents said was merely inappropriate but not criminal behavior.

The local district attorney has since backed off — the felony charges have been dropped and the district attorney said probation would be an appropriate punishment. The Mashburns’ lawyer said prosecutors offered Cory a plea bargain that would not require him to register as a sex offender, which the family plans to reject.

But the boys, if convicted at an Aug. 20 trial, still face the possibility of some jail time or registering for life as sex offenders.

More:

Cory Mashburn said he and Ryan Cornelison slapped each others’ and other kids’ bottoms every Friday. “Lots of kids at school do that,” he said.

Cory and Ryan were brought to the principal’s office Feb. 22, where they were questioned by school officials and a police officer. They were arrested that day and taken in handcuffs to a juvenile detention facility.

Court papers said the boys touched the buttocks of several girls, some of whom said this made them uncomfortable. The papers also said Cory touched a girl’s breasts. But police reports filed with the court said other students, both boys and girls, slapped each other on the bottom.

“It’s like a handshake we do,” one girl said, according to the police report.

Here is a link to the full story.

There’s a building … in progress (for lack of a better term) on Van Ness, right before you get to Melrose. My friend and I have been watching its evolution and it’s nothing less than spectacular:

Yes, you’re right. That reads “ALEXANDER RULER OF THE WORLD” on the archway. As you can see, there’s alot of work going on, hence us being unable to get any closer. Note the olympic rings, greek letters, crosses, and symbols; inside is a massive gold chandelier.

There’s only one other Los Angeles house that rivals “ALEXANDER RULER OF THE WORLD” (you have to say it that way, really) in terms of sheer jaw-dropping awe, and that is “Youngwood Court” aka, “The House of 17 Davids” in Hancock Park. Here it is in all of its Roman splendor - doesn’t it just make you want to shout, “I, Claudius!”:

Now, The House of 17 Davids is stunning, especially at Christmastime when the faux-snow gets adorned with Santa and Mrs. Claus:

ALEXANDER RULER OF THE WORLD
vs
The House of 17 Davids:
Greco-Roman SMACKDOWN!

Tuesday night, 7pm. Promise to keep you posted with photo updates. Meanwhile, read the comments for more info on AROTW, or if you know of any, please tell!