Fez Dispenser

CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. (AP) — A mini-car and a dune buggy collided during a Shriner’s parade, sending one of the vehicles into the crowd and injuring eight people, police said Monday. “It was just a freak accident,” said a police spokesman, Rick Mincy. “I don’t think they were careless.” No charges were filed in the accident Saturday. The two vehicles were going in circles around each other when the car ran into the crowd.

Even more here.
(thanks, Eve)

and in Brussels (Illinois, that is) …

BRUSSELS — A thrown bag of popcorn triggered a weekend melee that involved more than 100 people brawling after the close of the annual St. Mary’s Catholic Church picnic.

Almost as many people were involved in the fight as live in the community of Brussels.

“It ended up being almost mob action,” Calhoun County Sheriff Bill Heffington said, admitting that he and just two deputies “simply couldn’t contain them.

“We had to call in backup from several other police agencies,” he said.

Meanwhile, Forbes makes an odd headline, considering the suicide of China’s Mattel exec: “Mattel Gets the Lead Out.” Um, okay. Maybe they were smoking some of this:

ROCHELLE, Ga. (AP) — A woman was arrested after she called police to help “get her money back” after she was unhappy with the crack cocaine she purchased.

Juanita Marie Jones, 53, called Rochelle Police late Thursday night after she purchased what she thought was a $20 piece of crack cocaine, according to police reports.

She told officers she broke the rock into three pieces and smoked one, only to discover the drugs were “fake.”

And yeah, this story is brutal enough, but did they have to illustrate it with a hammer and nails?

Police in Wilkes-Barre are holding a man accused of storming into a beauty salon and bludgeoning four grandmothers with a hammer.

Forty-one-year-old Thomas Leyshon of Mountain Top was arrested after a daylong manhunt Friday. Authorities said he got away with less than $90 from the victims in the Hairem Family Hair and Nail Care.

Family members said the victims, ages 56 to 76, suffered injuries that included a fractured skull. At least one woman required surgery. At least two of the women remained hospitalized Saturday, both in stable condition.

Andy Chopka, whose grandmother, Jeanna Chopka, underwent surgery Friday night, said only a coward would attack old women.

And my friend in NC sends me Cletis and his no-hoe garden.

Feeling stupid? Don’t, after you read about “the one who fell for the Liberian bride” scam:

An Australian sheep farmer who sought love over the internet was instead kidnapped and held hostage for 12 days after his African “bride” turned out to be machete-wielding gangsters.

Des Gregor, 56, flew to Mali promising a dowry of gold and marriage to “Natacha”, reportedly a Liberian refugee in her 20s, following a whirlwind romance over the web.

But when he stepped off the plane, men claiming to be the woman’s relatives took him to a flat in the capital, Bamako, where he was robbed, bound and threatened with having his limbs hacked off unless he arranged a £42,000 ransom.

But wait, it gets worse:

It was not the first time Mr Gregor, of Hoyleton, South Australia, has fallen in love online. He travelled to Russia three years ago on a similar trip, but failed to come back with a bride.

Here’s another Einstein. After the woman he tries to rape escapes his apartment and her coworkers follow him, he gets a bright idea:

An hour later, Milan contacted the Sheriff’s Department to report that he had been followed by two suspicious men, authorities said. He agreed to meet deputies at a Starbucks, where they arrested him.

The cops put it better than I can:

“We’re checking across the United States to see if he has similar crimes,” Amormino said. “He did it at his own house. Obviously not a Rhodes scholar.“