Screenwriter Irv Brecher (Meet Me In St. Louis, Bye Bye Birdie, Shadow of the Thin Man, Marx Bros’ At The Circus & Go West, creator of Life of Riley, & more!) offers his perspective on current events.

“They took the bar, the whole fucking bar.”

In what can only be described as a crime against nature, hundreds of bottles of Jack Daniels — some of it a century old — might be poured down the drain.

Channel 4 News in Nashville has the story:

Here’s a sobering thought: Hundreds of bottles of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, some of it almost 100 years old, may be unceremoniously poured down a drain because authorities suspect it was being sold by someone without a license.

Officials seized 2,400 bottles late last month during warehouse raids in Nashville and Lynchburg, the southern Tennessee town where the whiskey is distilled.

“Punish the person, not the whiskey,” said an outraged Kyle MacDonald, 28, a Jack Daniel’s drinker from British Columbia who promotes the whiskey on his blog. “Jack never did anything wrong, and the whiskey itself is innocent.”

Indeed, Mr. MacDonald, the whiskey is innocent.

The whiskey never hurt anyone.

In fact, it may be argued that the whiskey has life-sustaining powers more powerful than any herb, vitamin or elixir.

Issues of health aside, the disposing of century-old Jack Daniels that never hurt anyone and exists only to bring a little light into our otherwise bleak lives is a sin. I liken it to burning perfectly good weed, just because someone was selling it illegally.

Think of the good work that could be done with the whiskey. Think of the money that could be raised by auctioning it off. Think of the spirits that could be lifted simply by letting bloggers in L.A. drink it.

I’ve got a friend with Kansas City connections. And every time he returns from the Midwest, he brings me a bottle of Jack, from a vintage not available easily in Los Angeles. How I look forward to that first, smooth sip … it’s mother’s milk.

Tonight, I’ll go home and pour myself a few fingers of the amber liquid. And I’ll lift the glass to my lips and drink, slowly to savor the smooth taste. And as I roll my friend Jack around my mouth before swallowing, I’ll say a little prayer for innocent whiskey wasted.

Father of the Week:

Michigan boy, 13, charged with drunken driving
Police say dad, too drunk to drive, gave keys of truck to his son

CLIO, Michigan - A police officer checking on a truck that got stuck in the mud at a city park was startled to find a 13-year-old boy behind the wheel. The boy’s father, who was sitting in the passenger seat, told police he had had too much to drink and let his son drive. The boy had been drinking, too, police said. “(The boy) even said he didn’t want to drive because he was too drunk,” McLellan told The Flint Journal for a story published Thursday.

President of the Week:

Mugabe paid witch doctor in
‘gas from rocks’ scam

HARARE, Zimbabwe (AP) — President Robert Mugabe has said ministers at a Cabinet meeting he agreed to pay two head of cattle and three buffaloes to a woman who claimed she could produce gasoline out of rocks, the official media reported Friday. Mugabe later ordered the woman’s arrest on fraud charges.

The Herald newspaper, a government mouthpiece, reported the woman claiming to be a tribal healer, known in the West as a witch doctor, also took large sums of money, a car and a piece of land from the nation’s highest ranking politicians, promising in return to use spells to produce diesel fuel from rocks in the bush outside the provincial town of Chinhoyi, 70 miles northwest of Harare.

Instead of invoking spirits, the woman bought diesel and piped it into the rocks, the newspaper reported.

Well, it’s really the same as this, isn’t it?

Governor of the Week:

Ga. Governor Prays for Rain at Capitol
ATLANTA - Georgia Gov. Sonny Perdue stepped up to a podium outside the state Capitol on Tuesday and led a solemn crowd of several hundred people in a prayer for rain on his drought-stricken state.

“We’ve come together here simply for one reason and one reason only: To very reverently and respectfully pray up a storm,” Perdue said after a choir provided a hymn.

Perdue also let us know just why Georgia is having this problem: it’s the damned shellfish. That’s right:

Gov. Sonny Perdue says the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers has been allowing Georgia’s water to flow to endangered mussels and other species in Florida and thereby preventing state residents from sprinkling their yards and hosing down their cars.

“I’m telling you, when it comes to choosing between mussels and drinking water for children, I’m about fed up with this mess,” Perdue said after declaring an emergency this month as Atlanta’s main source of water dropped to what the state said was a 90-day supply.

Bitchfight of the Week, cont’d:

In his final assessment, Fabio told OK! “You have to be a low-class, scumbag to start calling a woman a name. If you’re a man, you should never. You should be a gentleman. These women were with me and as a man I defend them. He [Clooney] was lucky he ran out of the restaurant. He’s not even half a man.”

Cult of the Week:

And if a Doomsday cult threatens suicide, doesn’t everyone win?

If I made it bigger, the ad along the side gets covered up by our menu bar, but I think you get it. There’s little kids in the cave, too.

is going on in Laguna Beach?
From the LAT:

Laguna Beach lifeguards found another headless bird on a city beach, the seventh beheaded animal discovered since last week.

The animal, a dove or pigeon, was found at the north end of Main Beach, said Laguna Beach police Sgt. Jason Kravetz. Two goats, three chickens and a rooster have also been found since Nov. 8.

“It appears to be related to the other ones. It was a headless animal and we’ve had a spate over seven days,” Kravetz said.

Guess what they want you to do on the Great whatever smokeout? Yeah, that’s right: Smokers Urged To Quit During Great American Smokeout. No! I was hoping they’d go around w/cigarettes, telling us it was finally okay. More bad vagina news: along with the gallbladder, this time they’re using the expressway to my gspot to take out my uterus. What next - a kid? No thank you, I’d rather keep my “it will fade” scar. Oh my god! NO! Catholic bishops say voters’ souls at stake! Well, we knew that, but what about the candidates? Or the Pope who won’t go to Boston? There’s lots of damned souls there, and most of them are in black collars. They should get a better lawyer who says things like Lawyer: O.J. to Spend Time Golfing. For some odd reason, the Arizona Business Journal has this story today: Arizona ranks above national average in STD cases. Must be that large retiree population. I thought crack was the cheapest drug out there? Because now they’re having a big sale: Lowered crack terms could free 20,000 early. If you can’t afford crack, just get a toad! KC Man Accused Of Toad Licking - not toe licking, silly! Don’t worry, toad lovers: “The toad is in custody at a police crime lab.” That’s an interesting news site, b/c they have a story on a 5-woman carjacking in Harlem - Missouri, that is. It’s not just hell up in Harlem, though - girls are going wild with crime everywhere. This priest admitted to having sex - with inmates. But they are female!

Tbogg puts it in pictures, so even the terminally stupid can understand it.

How many times will these dolts fall for the same old story. . .

Instadipshit sees the light at the end of the tunnel for about the 137th time.

Alicublog:

BLATHER, RINSE, REPEAT. The Perfesser is in his fifth year of declaring victory in Iraq. . .

The cost of the war is heading toward a trillion or higher, and has made Iraq a basket-case state similar to the other new and violently achieved “democracies” of our age which are showing very few of the sort of resources that got America up on its feet after its own revolution. Except, of course, Iraq’s political realignment was not at all internally generated. Somebody suffered a “cruel blow,” alright.

Instaputz:

Look, it’s simple. Anyone who’s been saying “We’re winning!” since the invasion and for 6 years has been wrong about everything does not have the credibility lecture anyone on taking a realistic, unvarnished view of events in Iraq. Period.

Instapundit: still trying to recapture the magick!

It’s got furries, it’s got pole dancing, it’s got bears and bambis and … it’s so wrong:

He’s now apparently going by the name, “Anne Tyrrell” and employed as a spokesperson for Blackwater International. We can tell it’s Bob by the dissonance between his statements and objective reality.

The New York Times cited unidentified civilian and military officials in reporting for Wednesday’s editions that the killings of at least 14 of the 17 Iraqi civilians shot by Blackwater personnel guarding a U.S. Embassy convoy were found to have been unjustified and violated standards in place governing the use of deadly force.

Responding to the Times report, Anne Tyrrell, a Blackwater spokeswoman, said the company “supports the stringent accountability of the industry. . . .”

In an industry where mercs are exempt from the USCMJ and Iraqi law, have been granted immunity by the State Department, and there is no accountability.

Although the report disclosed that:

No evidence supports assertions by Blackwater employees that they were fired upon by Iraqi civilians. . . .

Bob/Anne was unfazed:

“Without a doubt, the teams were faced with deadly force that day,” the Blackwater spokeswoman said.

“Without a doubt, the teams were faced with deadly force that day”