Or, attention Kathryn Lopez.

Pricing for infallible text messages starts at just 49 cents.

still, it was better than this one:

In a matter of hours after Mr. Sulu leads an avalanche of gay marriage in the state of California, we see this:

Eagle Scout Arrested in String of Car Break-ins

An 18-year old Eagle Scout has been arrested in connection with dozens of vehicle break-ins.

Carter Sudeith was arrested Wednesday morning, just hours after his high school graduation.

Police stopped Sudeith shortly after 1:00 am as he walked past the neighborhood pool in the 3700 block of Hamilton Street, Irvine.

Police say he was dressed all in black and was carrying a black backpack.

~~~

Detectives believe that he gained entry into over 30 vehicles in the area.

Authorities say Sudeith was in possession of property consistent with thefts from vehicles including; Ipods, cash, and cigarettes.

~~~

Sudeith was a student at University High School. He received his Eagle Scout rank in 2005 as a member of Irvine’s Troop 606.

Mere coincidence? Surely not!

What next? Priests molesting children?

UPDATE: The impact of California’s legalized gay marriage expands across the globe.

A mother is accused of partially skinning her caged son and feeding his flesh to relatives.

Kalra Mauerova, 31, of Brno in the Czech Republic, wept in court as she admitted torturing her son Ondrej, and his ten-year-old brother, Jakub, The Sun reported.

Mauerova, a member of the Grail Movement cult, caged Ondrej for months while relatives, also members of the cult, ate his raw flesh, a judge heard yesterday.

Pope Wazanazi speaks out on the ills of US society:

Pope Benedict tempered his praise for American religious tolerance on Wednesday with a warning that U.S. society can quietly undermine Catholicism by reducing all faiths to a lowest common denominator.

~~~

“It is not enough to count on this traditional religiosity and go about business as usual, even as its foundations are being slowly undermined,” he warned the bishops gathered at the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception in Washington.

The “American brand of secularism,” he said, “can subtly reduce religious belief to a lowest common denominator.”

Maybe you should worry about your priests fucking American children before you worry about American secularism and tolerance reducing religious beliefs to a lowest common denominator.

Archdioceses across the country are liquidating church-owned properties to pay off judgments to children molested by Catholic priests, and Pope Ratfucker is worried about secularism?

Fuck you and the ugly hat you rode in on.

12-year-old protects mom, fatally stabs attacker
Boy: ‘I told God that I had stabbed him because he was killing my mother’

Well that’s fine, I hope the police feel the same way:

Source

It’s a veritable kid-crimes bonanza, lately. Now officials are downplaying the kiddie-kill-teacher gang, saying:

WAYCROSS, Ga. - Allegations that third-graders hatched an elaborate plot to knock out, handcuff and stab their teacher were met with shock by neighbors and with doubt by psychiatry experts who said it is unlikely that children that young seriously intended to hurt anyone.

I wonder how they’d spin it if they were successful? It sure sounds like they were on the way:

Police said the plot had been organized enough that some students were assigned specific roles such as covering classroom windows and cleaning up any mess.

Hmm … kinda puts a damper on SwampFest.

News of the alleged plot spread quickly through this small south Georgia city on the northern edge of the Okefenokee Swamp, where residents are preparing for their annual SwampFest celebration this weekend.

“They were so young, I just couldn’t believe it,” said Euleathia Harris, 50, who lives in a public housing complex near the school. “I wouldn’t think anything like that would happen in little ol’ Waycross. I guess if it can happen in the big cities, it can happen here.”

Source

Dumbass. If starvation got rid of the devil, LA would be heaven on earth!

WASHINGTON - During a court appearance on Monday, a D.C. detective described interviewing a woman found in her Southeast home with the decomposing bodies of her four daughters. Detective Mitch Credle said Banita Jacks, 33, told him she thought her children were possessed by demons. She said she did not feed the girls because she thought if they grew weaker, the demons would leave, Credle said.

The bodies of the girls, ages 5 to 17, were found Jan. 9 when U.S. marshals served an eviction notice at the family’s apartment in southeast Washington. Police said Jacks lived in the apartment with the decomposed bodies for several months.

Jacks called her oldest daughter Brittany a “Jezebel,” a prostitute who she said was a bad influence on the other girls, Credle said.

DAYTON, Ohio (AP) — A woman accused of killing her month-old daughter by burning her in a microwave confessed to the crime, saying the baby “fit right in” the oven, a prosecutor said Thursday.

If she hadn’t, would she still be alive? Or would she have just put her in a larger appliance?

It’s hard buying gifts for people. I’ve already decided what I want for xmas, but what to buy for my fellow MR’s? Since giftcards to Liquor Mart are a little out of my range, I’m thinking of another group activity that can bring us all together … maybe a board game?

“Is the Pope Catholic!?! - The Catholic Nostalgia game. The objective is to become the Pope, starting as an altar boy, and advancing by answering questions that require a Catholic background to appreciate.”

I wonder what would happen if we mixed it up a little, say, with this ol’ chestnut:

Exciting! Ha! My friend and I tried to play this one as young ‘uns. Sadly, all we had was a case of warm Narragansett Beer.

I don’t remember this game at all:

“The game where you create what your opponents draw or charade. Situations occur in a barroom, bedroom, dating or outdoors. Definitely an adult game!”

Paul’s Last Minute Gift Giving Additions:

Purchase both titles here

To any aspiring novelists who like to copyright but can’t spell their own middle names correctly, I didn’t write this. It says “Reuters.” I just comment on it, or rather, blog about it.

ROME (Reuters) - An Italian court has ruled that a couple could not name their son “Friday” and ordered that he instead be called Gregory after the saint whose feast day he was born on.

“I think it is ridiculous they even opened a case about it,” the family’s lawyer, Paola Rossi, told Reuters by telephone from the northern city of Genoa on Tuesday.

Friday/Gregory Germano was born in Genoa 15 months ago. The parents registered him as Friday in the city hall and a priest even baptised him as Friday — unusual in Italy since many priests insist that first names be of Christian origin.

“We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name. Even if it would have been a girl, we would have named her Friday,” the boy’s mother, Mara Germano, told Reuters.

When the boy was about five months old, a city hall clerk brought the odd name to the attention of a tribunal, which informed the couple of an administrative norm which bars parents from giving “ridiculous or shameful” first names to children.

The tribunal said it was protecting the child from being the butt of jokes and added that it believed the name would hinder him from developing “serene interpersonal relationships”.

The Germano family appealed but lost their case this month and the story was carried on the front page of a national newspaper on Tuesday.

When ordered to change the name, the parents refused and the court ruled the boy would be legally registered as Gregory because he was born on that saint’s feast day.

“I really doubt this would have happened to the child of parents who are rich and famous,” the boy’s mother told Reuters, recalling that some famous Italians had given their children unorthodox names such as “Ocean” or “Chanel”.

The appeals court ruled against Friday because it recalled the servile savage in Daniel Defoe’s novel Robinson Crusoe and because superstitious Italians consider Friday an unlucky day. (huh? -DL)

“I am livid about this,” the boy’s mother said. “A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about.”

“My son was born Friday, baptised Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory,” she said.

“Serene interpersonal relationships”? I’m going to start asking all the Gregorys I know if they have them. Then again, if they had this here, we’d be saved from the horrors of Apple (Paltrow), Pilot Inspektor (Jason Lee), Banjo (Rachel Griffiths) and Saint Shiloh of Pitt.

Judge dismisses charge against woman who cursed her overflowing toilet

SCRANTON, Pa. - A woman who was cited for loudly cursing at her overflowing toilet — and then at a neighbor who told her to quiet down — has been acquitted on First Amendment grounds.

District Judge Terrence Gallagher dismissed the disorderly conduct charge against Dawn Herb, 33, ruling Thursday that she was within her rights when she let loose a string of profanities Oct. 11.

Although the language she used “may be considered by some to be offensive, vulgar and imprudent … (it is) protected speech pursuant to the First Amendment,” the judge wrote.