In Wednesday’s Daily Breeze — the South Bay’s choice for 113 years — staff writer Andrea Woodhouse brings the news that barflies in Hermosa Beach are being targeted by political activists brought in by bar owners seeking to influence city council-hopefuls on issues related to boozing in the bay.

I actually love Woodhouse’s lead here:

The patrons at Hermosa Beach bars got more than wasted these past few weeks.

They’ve also been schooled on the local political scene from workers recruited by bar owners to register voters and collect contact information so they can be steered toward City Council candidates likely to fight for their right to party.

You’ve got to love any city where bar owners are a “powerful lobbying group” and local drunks are considered key constituents.

Here’s the ad campaign organizer John Gurrola wrote, according to Woodhouse:

To help advocate for bar and restaurant owners, Gurrola earlier this month posted an ad on an online classified service, craigslist.org, calling for “energetic, attractive, approachable and outgoing” people willing to talk to revelers outside Hermosa hot spots like Sangria, Blue 32, Dragon and Hennessey’s about voting in the upcoming election.

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In other Hermosa Beach-bar-news, a second Woodhouse piece in Wednesday’s Breeze details the impending sale of the town’s landmark Mermaids bar. (If there is a better journalism job than covering bars in Hermosa Beach, California, I’d like to know what it is … )

The regulars at the Mermaid, the iconic, wood-paneled, Naugahyde-

upholstered watering hole in Hermosa Beach, must be be crying in their beers.

The Strand-front property housing the landmark bar in Hermosa Beach has hit the market for $27 million, nearly three months after longtime owner Quentin “Boots” Thelen died, said his stepdaughter, Diana Albergate.

Thelen’s six heirs, including Albergate, didn’t struggle with their decision to sell - with the estate tax man knocking, they didn’t have a choice, she said.

“We hate to have to do this, but the federal government demands its unfair share,” Albergate said.

Also for sale is an adjacent 6,900-square-foot building that faces Pier Plaza and houses four businesses - Mexican restaurant Cantina Real, Lappert’s Ice Cream, Avanti Jewelers and Pier Surf. The family is asking $6.5 million for the property.

Sipping a vodka tonic at his favorite drinking spot, Tom Barnett said he was stunned to hear the Mermaid’s land was for sale.

As change swirled through the city’s gleaming Pier Avenue during the last half century, the Mermaid has remained a constant, with good drinks and great people, he said.

“I just can’t believe they’re going to do this,” the 73-year-old said. “It’ll break my heart.”

It’s been a long time since I visited Bum Wines, an informative and hilarious website on well, gutter wines. It’s been an even longer time since I actually drank any of them, but Bum Wines’ rating system of staggering drunks can give you an idea. I particularly enjoy their entry on Thunderbird, which, before we even knew what it was, was a childhood rhyme, repeated from their radio ad.

Thunderbird
17.5% alc. by vol.

As pictured to the left, look for the pigeon feces and you’ll find this old bird. As soon as you taste this swill, it will be obvious that its makers cut every corner possible in its production to make it cheap. Self-proclaimed as “The American Classic,” Thuderbird is Vinted and bottled by E&J Gallo Winery, in in Modesto, CA. Disguised like Night Train, the label says that it is made by “Thunderbird, Ltd.” If your taste buds are shot, and you need to get trashed with a quickness, then “T-bird” is the drink for you. Or, if you like to smell your hand after pumping gas, look no further than Thunderbird. As you drink on, the bird soars higher while you sink lower. The undisputed leader of the five in foulness of flavor, we highly discourage driking this ghastly mixture of unknown chemicals unless you really are a bum. A convenience store clerk in Show Low, AZ once told me that only the oldest of stumbling indian drunks from the reservation buy Thunderbird. Avaliable in 750 mL and a devastating 50 oz jug.

The history of Thunderbird is as interesting as the drunken effects the one experiences from the wine. When Prohibition ended, Ernest Gallo and his brothers Julio and Joe wanted to corner the young wine market. Earnest wanted the company to become “the Campbell Soup company of the wine industry” so he started selling Thunderbird in the ghettos around the country. Their radio adds featured a song that sang, “What’s the word? / Thunderbird / How’s it sold? / Good and cold / What’s the jive? / Bird’s alive / What’s the price? / Thirty twice.” It is said that Ernest once drove through a tough, inner city neighborhood and pulled over when he saw a bum. When Gallo rolled down his window and called out, “What’s the word?” the immediate answer from the bum was, “Thunderbird.”

WARNING: This light yellow liquid turns your lips and mouth black! A mysterious chemical reaction similar to disappearing-reappearing ink makes you look like you’ve been chewing on hearty clumps of charcoal.

You think that woman w/a fork is bad? Try dying like this:

ANGLETON — Prosecutors have dropped charges that a Lake Jackson woman caused her husband’s death by giving him a sherry enema, leading to alcohol poisoning.

Tammy Jean Warner, 45, now of Texas City, had been scheduled to go on trial next Monday on a charge of negligent homicide. It was the sixth trial date set for the case.

Court records state that the case was dismissed Aug. 31 due to insufficient evidence.

Warner’s husband, Michael Warner, a 58-year-old machine shop operator, died at their Lake Jackson home on May 21, 2004. An autopsy report said he had been administered an enema with enough sherry to get a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent. That is almost six times the level that can lead to a driving while intoxicated charge.

Warner told the Houston Chronicle that her husband had been addicted to enemas since he was a child. She said he often used alcohol in that manner to get drunk.

Neither Warner’s attorney nor Brazoria County District Attorney Jeri Yenne could be reached for comment.

I like how he looks mad - is that a photo from beyond the grave?

MORE(Alex): That’s no woman, that’s David Michael Kenyon in drag!!

Hell, we’ve all been there - what bartender/waiter/waitress hasn’t wanted to do this? Maybe he smelled!

MELBOURNE (Reuters) - An Australian “prankster” barmaid who served a patron a shot of disinfectant has appeared in court over what her lawyers said was a “misguided” joke.

Melbourne barmaid Emily Craig, 23, served a client a single 30ml shot glass of Pine-O-Cleen disinfectant in March during a 6 a.m. drinking bout at Evolution Nightclub, causing him to become violently ill, the Melbourne Magistrates court was told.

“This was a misguided joke at an ungodly hour,” Craig’s lawyer George Balot told the judge, according to reports on Tuesday in local newspapers.

Police told the court that Craig “was known for her prankster-style behavior” and once covered a bar in sticky tape. She “upped the ante” with her pranks by serving up the powerful floor cleaner after giving the man shots of pure water.

The patron developed ulcers on his skin after drinking the disinfectant shot from Craig, who has since lost her job and faces four charges of intentionally causing injury.

The case was adjourned until February.

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Source

New liver? Check. Paid for? Check. Booze? CHECK!

JOHANNESBURG, South Africa (Reuters) — South African President Thabo Mbeki shrugged off opposition calls to fire his health minister on Monday after a newspaper reported she is an alcoholic and still drinking despite having a liver transplant.

Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, dubbed “Dr. Beetroot” by opponents for advocating garlic and beetroot to fight AIDS, had a liver transplant in March as a result of a long-running battle with hepatitis, her doctor said at the time.

But the Sunday Times newspaper said the minister had alcoholic liver cirrhosis from years of excessive drinking when she had her transplant, and used her position to secure a new liver while hiding her alcoholism from the public.

As part of a five-month investigation into the health minister’s conduct that has prompted calls for her dismissal, the newspaper quoted witnesses who said Tshabalala-Msimang continued to drink since recovering from the operation. The paper also said she was convicted of stealing a watch from a patient while superintendent of a Botswana hospital in 1976.

Watch? Check!

Santa Says Return Snow White and Grumpy

22 hours ago

FLINT TOWNSHIP (AP) — An officer by the name of Santa has told two men they need to return Snow White’s body and find Grumpy, too. The stone head of a Snow White statue was spotted in a Flint backyard and three of the four dwarf statues stolen from Sue Austin’s Flint Township home have been returned.

Austin tells The Flint Journal the head likely broke when the statues were stolen August 31st.

Flint Township police detective Jim Santa says he was told the Snow White statue’s body had been dumped on the side of a road. He says the two men told him they could retrace their steps to find it.

Bashful, Sneezy and Dopey already have been returned.

Meanwhile, Captain Tooth Fairy and Detective Easter Bunny will keep looking.

Forget quarters or any other drinking game. Beyond the Groovy Age of Horror has the right idea.

I’m going to be posting screencaps of J & B product placement spots in “Eurotrash” movies, a different flick each time, counting down from 99 (hell, I could probably count down from 999, but that’s not how the song goes). I’m in no hurry–I’ll just do it as I feel like it. If I ever need suggestions, I’ll ask for them, but please resist the temptation to inundate me with lists just yet.

So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

I’d drink too.

Michael Jackson, who died on Thursday aged 65, was a pioneering, and perhaps the most widely-known, writer on beer; he latterly gained equal acclaim for his work on malt whisky.

Here’s his obit.