still, it was better than this one:

Did he leave his hose on? Flood his pool? Damn him!

AP: “Boy band creator sentenced to 25 years in prison”

Goody! I hope they will become illegal now!

AP: “The stuff of Bob Hope to be auctioned in October”

What stuff makes hope, anyway? Is this one of those Zen riddles?

Note location.

Yet another genius AP headline. Is there another wife known as the “South Jersey” wife?

AP headline: “‘Best Santa ever’ arrested in N.J. on child sex charges”

I rue the day when the AP finally hires a copy editor.

Paris Hilton talks about public search for new best friend

How does Sandy Cohen write this stuff with a straight face?: “Hilton, who also serves as the show’s executive producer, took time out after an MTV business meeting to talk with The Associated Press about her public quest for friendship.” (I love that “took time out” line — like Paris Hilton wouldn’t make time to do an interview. Doing interviews is what she does.)

Even The Onion couldn’t make this up:

AP: Do you think you can find a real, lasting friendship this way? Do you have a preference of male or female?

Hilton: I just want to see the contestants and see how they are. I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl, just as long as its someone I can trust, someone I can have fun with and just someone who’s going to be able to like handle all the other things that are going to come with being my best friend.

AP: Like what?

Hilton: Just being in the media, just someone who’s not going to care about that, just someone who cares about me.

Also, according to the AP:

Pine beetle outbreaks turn forests into carbon source

US works to determine how to deal with Maoists in Nepal

Obviously, the South Americans turned them down.

“This is the first time we have been able to get dates that are undeniably human, and they are 1,000 years before Clovis,” said Dennis L. Jenkins, a University of Oregon archaeologist

I don’t know who poor Clovis is, but whatever happened to flowers and candy?

SYDNEY — A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he was raped by a wombat and the experience had made him speak “Australian”.

Arthur Ross Cradock, 48, from the South Island town of Motueka, called police on February 11 and told them he was being raped at his home by the wombat and he needed help, The Nelson Mail newspaper reported.

The orchard worker later called back and said: “Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right, you know.”

Cradock pleaded guilty in the local court to using a phone for a fictitious purpose. He was sentenced to 75 hours’ community work.

Police prosecutor Sergeant Chris Stringer told the court alcohol played a large role in Cradock’s life.