Um, welcome to the grownup world, gals.

I rue the day when the AP hires a copywriter.

“Who me? I know nothing!”

Source

-being invisible for years;
-playing Sgt. Schultz to Col. Klink;
-shooting your friend;
-everything else you’ve done …

i guess it WOULD take medical intervention to get it to work.

Lawyers Move to Kill Death Penalty

Well, we all know from slasher movies that you can’t kill what’s already dead!

Suit Says Baby’s Seizure Violated Rights

Shake, rattle and roll? Why are they picking on epileptic babies? They’re not bothering anyone.

Oh, wait:

OMAHA, Neb. (AP) — A Nebraska couple sued state health officials Thursday, arguing their rights were violated when their newborn baby was seized by sheriff’s deputies so a mandatory blood test could be performed.

“Bill to Condemn Genocide in Jeopardy”

Ever since Merv Griffin died, it’s really gone down the tubes.

Well, headline of the day is already taken, but this one is too good to pass up:

Gripe water recalled because of possible contamination

With what … good humor?