RodMe: Memories of a past friendship could cause you to crave spicy food. Remember your tums and plan accordingly. An x-ray technician may ask you for spare change on the subway. Go to Duane Reade instead of Rite Aid. Your lucky numbers: 2,897,74856 and 3.

Alex: Don’t go to a garage - that muffled banging in your trunk is your date from last week. Let her out and leave the scene. The stars are favorable for nickel-slot gambling at Indian casinos. Avoid lychees. Your lucky liquids are alcohol, and alcohol.

Paul: You may cause a child to cry by sitting on their birthday cake box. Avoid this by RSVPing “no” to any family events. A rousing game of lawn darts or croquet can help soothe frazzled nerves. Your lucky colors are puce, chartreuse, and lime.

Donna Lethal: You spend more time on beauty rituals than with loved ones - try and compromise. A close encounter at the donut shop may cause you to forego chocolate frosted for good. Your lucky television shows are Wild Wild West and Emergency (the Bobby Sherman guest episodes only.)

Reader horoscope: Actor212 is on vacation.

Alex: That road-rage incident was the right thing to do. Your stars are aligned this weekend and an unexpected windfall in the form of a checkout clerk’s mistake is possible. Avoid public parks that have sporting events; if you must gamble do it through your bookie. That’s not Ed McMahon at your door - it’s your paperboy that you have forgotten for a few weeks now. Offer him liquor so your deliveries don’t stop.

Paul: Remember, you are absolutely right. If anyone argues with you, remind them of your superiority or cuff them upside the head. Should you shoplift this weekend, Venus will look favorably on you and you will not set off security alarms. That item under your fridge is a dead mouse.

RodMe: Light a candle in honor of James Coburn this weekend. Leo in your financial sector may cause you spend needlessly on take out or delivered meals. Try to spend time in the kitchen but avoid canned sardines - you may have unexpected accidents with the can. A relative may tell you a secret, be prepared and medicate beforehand.

Honorary reader horoscope

Actor212: That man staring at you on the subway was your bridge partner in a former life. Try and concentrate on things that have eluded you, like that woman a few buildings down that gets dressed near the window. A public access show may call you to be a guest.

Weekend horoscopes:

RodMe: Lay off those grilled sausages for a few days - Jupiter isn’t feeling too expansive this weekend. Try and expand your social horizons but don’t answer the door if someone knocks at an odd hour. A croquet mallet holds significance.

Alex: You are right about your sister-in-law. Mars is in your relationship sector, urging you to beat your loved ones. Try and restrain yourself with liquor or tranquilizers (but not together.)

Paul: That Jiffy-pop has expired. Don’t give in to those who try and get you to go trout fishing. Spend some quiet time alone, preferably in a bucket of blood, contemplating where you have gone wrong.

Actor212: That strange taste in your water is a dead relative that didn’t like you. Drink filtered only for the next ten days. Your shampoo bottle contains an important clue about your love life. It’s true about your neighbor.