I’ve been busy, but there are just too many worthy candidates, so I’ll go quickly

1. Steny Hoyer for enacting the Nuremburg Defense into US law for the first time.

2. Kalra Mauerova. I think we can rule out Mother-of-the-Year.

3. President Dumbshit, for his whole body of work. Oh, and the fact he’s a War Criminal.

4. The Boston Celtics. We hates them. May all their future draft picks be named “Len Bias.”

5. Bernard Goldberg. What a fucking tool.

6. Fred Hiatt. There aren’t enough cockpunches for the WaPo’s OpEd crew.

7. Jonah Goldberg. For being an idiot and an admitted viewer of bestiality pornography. We’d cock-punch Pantload more often, but hitting a target that small requires too much concentration and precision. We’re not Bruce Lee here, you know.

8. Larry Johnson. It’s not only all the crock of shit about the “Whitey” tape, it’s the ugliest fucking haircut in the history of humanity.

9. George Bush, again. For being an ignorant bastard with no manners. Without a dook of an idea about how to comport yourself public-wise.

10. Joe Lieberman. If he has a cock anymore.

11. Assrocket.

What do YOU think? Who do YOU think needs a good cock-punching?

We didn’t quite get this up Friday, so here is our 1st annual day-after-labor-day list of Who Needs a Good Cock-Punching:

1. President Full-of-Shittedness, for being, well, full of shit.

2. Alberto Gonzales, for all the obvious reasons.

3. Michael O’Hanlon.

4. Our tamale-thieving former blogging partner, for describing his former colleagues as “insensitive [and] overly combattive [sic],” after fucking over said colleagues and demolishing our old blog in a fit of self-centered, drunken loutishness. Followed presently by blaming his descent into Patterico-style prickishness on every male in the world but himself.

5. Larry Craig, for sheer hypocrisy, exceeding even the above.

6. Don Rumsfeld, because people are still dying due to his mistakes.

7. The New War Mongers

8. Michael Vick. Again.

9. Frederick Kagan, and his entire fucked up clan.

10. Campground pervert Richard Berkey

11. Bill Kristol, for this, and this, as well as accumulated dumbfuckery.

What do YOU think? Who do YOU think needs a good cock-punching?

READER NOMINATIONS (from comments/email):

Roger Clemens — actor212

It’s been a while, and we recognize that we cannot possibly cover everyone in need of a good cock-punching, but here is our list of Who Needs a Good Cock-Punching for this Friday:

1. Chickenhawking, not-my-sons egotisticial moron Mitt Romney

2. Faulty recollecting, worst ever President Dumbshit

3. Benito Mussolini neo-fascist fear pimp Rudy Giuliani

4. Long-time asshole and intellectual lightweight Michelle Malkin

5. Classless, dipshitted hypocrite Bud Selig. Baseball winked and nodded at a generation of steroid users like Sosa, McGuire and Palmiero, and now this assclown sits on his hands and pretends to be shocked at Bonds.

6. Man-crushing dullard Chris “Tweety” Mathews

7. Amnesiac “historian” Victor Davis Hanson.

8. Dog-fighting quarterback Michael Vick.

9. All 30-something “Young” Republican leaders from the Midwest, everywhere

10. Flaming douchebag Bill Kristol. And let’s not forget this brilliant comment about Sunni-Shiite rifts amounting to little more than “pop sociology.”

What do YOU think? Who do YOU think needs a good cock-punching?

He’d be right at home here!

GUELPH, Ontario — Police in Ontario are looking for a man who allegedly approached women and asked them to kick him in the groin.

Three women reported similar incidents to police over the past two months, and two of the women reported the suspect was on a bicycle. None of the women reported injuries.

Police Sgt. Cate Welsh said Monday the man’s request is not a crime, but they are concerned nonetheless.

“That kind of behavior tends to be a precursor to sexual assault. That’s what we’re trying to determine,” Welsh said.

Our list of Who Needs a Good Cock-Punching for this Friday:

1. Birdshit-wearing, fear-mongering, Gonzales-supportin’, lying sack of shit, highly non-credible, walking tautology Preznit George “I read the intelligence” Bush.

2. Crocodile-tearing, needs medication-adjusting, phony asshole Congressmen John-Boehner.

3. The gutless Democratic leadership who gave Preznit Fuckup another free pass on Iraq.

4. Worst mother of the year candidate Eva Mauldin.

5. Paul, for putting fucking spam recipes on this blog.

6. Roger Simon, for being an arrogant, irremediable fucktwit.

7. Jerry Falwell, because the bigotted fat fuck deserves it, and more. (are you happy now, actor?)

8. Paul Wolfowitz, with a baseball bat. For fucking up the World Bank, and for fucking up Iraq and getting Private Anzack killed. May you rot in hell someday, too, because a cock-punch just isn’t enough.

9. Osama bin Laden. Because our incompetent fuckwit of a president had proven too incompetent to lay a finger on the murdering cock-sucker.

10. Serial-perjuring, hospital-visiting, torture-loving, Goodling-hiring, justice-obstructin’ Bush consigliere and current Attorney General Fredo Gonzales. Probably the worst AG in the history of our country.

What do YOU think? Who do YOU think needs a good cock-punching?

MORE:11. RodMe (see below)

12. Jason Giambi (per actor, in comments)

13. Lawn-tending, teen-murdering sociopath Charles Martin

RM: Goddamn it, Alex. I was THIS close to getting a Volvo ad. Also, my elderly neighborhood says you’re just a leeetle too profane. So tone it down, motherfucker.

Alex: That’s it, RM — you get a cockpunch too!

DL: (sobbing): You made RM quit! I’ll never let you blog again! No, forget it - I quit. Oh wait, RM didn’t quit. Where am I?

DL: tamale thieves with too many categories.

“and for adults, it’s exciting!”

Our list of Who Needs a Good Cock-Punching for today:

1. Former CIA Director and Ron Jeremy’s High School Classmate George Tenet.

2. The “Commander Guy,” the murderously incompetent lying twit.

3. Mitch Kupchak. Why didn’t he fire Radmanovic when he had the chance? And 160 straight starts for Smush Parker is about 159 too many.

4. Web-stalking, drunk-dialing, tamale-stealing, invitation-revoking party hosts

5. The goddamn leftwing, agitator press, for striking peaceful LAPD police batons with their soft bodies. Or something like that.

6. Debbie Schlussel, for seeing a Muslim terrorist behind every tree.

7. Hugh Hewitt, and not just for the man-tits.

8. Victor Clueless Hanson

9. Rudy “Offense” Guiliani

10. Paul “Not my Fault” Wolfowitz. Heck, forget about getting his twist a raise at the World Bank.

We still owe him for Iraq.

11. Alberto “I can’t recall” Gonzalez

12. Bunker Dick Cheney, but avoid the colostomy bag, or you’ll make a mess

13. That bastard Alex, and his ninny accomplices, for ruining Martini Republic.

What do you think? Who do YOU think needs a good cock-punching?

MORE: (from comments below)