Category: morons

Right Wing Blogger clinches Nobel Prize for Dumbshittedness

As Glenn Greenwald puts it:

If there is a place with more abject stupidity swirling around than the right-wing blogosphere, I’d like to know where it is.

Yesterday, Greenwald wrote a lengthy post about an email he received from Col. Steven A. Boylan, General Petraeus’s spokesman and Public Affairs Officer, which is a saga in itself, since the Officer subsequently denied writing the email in a somewhat bizarre and weaselprickish fashion.

In his post Greenwald quoted from the email at length, specifically noting the portions quoted were excerpts only, and separately linked the full text of the email.

One might think that such full disclosure would insulate Greenwald from allegations of duplicity, but for the fact that some even dumber than usual Right Wing Hack calling himself “Dread Pundit” accuses him of “[choosing] not to publish” the email in its entirety, and somehow concealing the non-bizarre portions.

But no. And naturally, the other inhabitants of the Dumb-O-Sphere pile on, like brain-damaged lemmings pouring over the cliffs of stupidity.

Forget that the email, in its entirety, is still bizarre — especially since the Colonel now apparently denies sending it. And nothing in the email would indicate that it was anything other than “unsolicited.” Greenwald made the entire thing available to his readers.

Just when one thinks Right Blogostan has reached absolute stupid, it goes even lower. We just have to hope it doesn’t someday reach the ice-nine of Stupid.

And frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams

Shorter Fred Thompson:

Let’s not forget that Saddam Hussein had frickin’ sharks with frickin’ laser beams attached to their frickin’ heads. It’s a good thing we invaded when we did.

Verbatim Fred Thompson:

“We can’t forget the fact that although at a particular point in time we never found any WMD down there, he clearly had had WMD.”

Not sure which sounds crazier.

It would seem that the World’s Laziest Presidential candidate couldn’t find time to read the Iraq Survey Group’s final report which concluded, inter alia, that “Saddam Husayn ended the nuclear program in 1991 following the Gulf war. ISG found no evidence to suggest concerted efforts to restart the program.”

Who killed Rod Nee?

BEIJING, China (AP) — A man in southern China appears to have died of exhaustion after a three-day Internet gaming binge, state media said Monday. The 30-year-old man fainted at a cyber cafe in the city of Guangzhou Saturday afternoon after he had been playing games online for three days, the Beijing News reported.

Paramedics tried to revive him but failed and he was declared dead at the cafe, it said. The paper said that he may have died from exhaustion brought on by too many hours on the Internet.

The report did not say what the man, whose name was not given, was playing. The report said that about 100 other Web surfers “left the cafe in fear after witnessing the man’s death.”

China has 140 million Internet users, second only to the U.S.. It is one of the world’s biggest markets for online games, with tens of millions of players, many of whom hunker down for hours in front of PCs in public Internet cafes.

Several cities have clinics to treat what psychiatrists have dubbed “Internet addiction” in users, many of them children and teenagers, who play online games or surf the Web for days at a time.

(I’m always suspicious of those “wacky stories from China,” but so far I’ve found this on the AP and CNN. So if it is an urban legend, it’s their fault.)

Bush as Caesar

I can’t really add much more to this luminous commentary (click on the link — a must read) rescued from the memory hole by Digby, of which the climactic paragraph reads:

President Bush can fail in his duty to himself, his country, and his God, by becoming ?ex-president? Bush or he can become ?President-for-Life? Bush: the conqueror of Iraq, who brings sense to the Congress and sanity to the Supreme Court. Then who would be able to stop Bush from emulating Augustus Caesar and becoming ruler of the world? For only an America united under one ruler has the power to save humanity from the threat of a new Dark Age wrought by terrorists armed with nuclear weapons.

Except this: If Gaius Julius Caesar had been such a fucking moron he thought “disassemble” means “not tell the truth,” in those pre-heimlich days he never would have conquered eating prandium without choking to death, let alone Gaul.

If you put Bush in a Counsel’s garb and put him in charge of the legions, you get this:

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Bill Kristol takes over Cheney’s war on Reality

The anti-Cassandra, Monday night on the Daily Show talking about Iraq:

It is — it is going well. Actually. It is going well. It was going badly in 2005 and 2006. . . . [Now] we have a serious strategy, and it is succeeding.

Tuesday, in the neocon-immune Real World:

Four suicide bombings kill 175 in Iraq

Four suicide bombers struck nearly simultaneously at communities of a small Kurdish sect in northwestern Iraq late Tuesday, killing at least 175 people and wounding 200 more, Iraqi military and local officials said.

The death toll was the highest in a concerted attack since Nov. 23, when 215 people were killed by mortar fire and five car bombs in Baghdad’s Shiite Muslim enclave of Sadr City. And it was most vicious attack yet against the Yazidis, an ancient religious community in the region whose members are considered infidels by some Muslims.

The bombings came as extremists staged other bold attacks: leveling a key bridge outside Baghdad and abducting five officials from an Oil Ministry compound in the capital in a raid using gunmen dressed as security officers. Nine U.S. soldiers also were reported killed, including five in a helicopter crash.

One thing I have to hand it to Kristol on: for a guy who has been 100% wrong on Iraq 100% of the time, it is amazing how absolutely confident, even arrogant, he is that his current assessment is 100% right. Pretty astonishing — it’s like a guy coming up to the major leagues and striking out 100 straight times and committing an error in 25 consecutive games, yet still believing that he’s a future All Star and that his next at bat against Roger Clemens is going to be a home run.

Another word for this kind of person is “dumbshit.”

Incredibly Stupid things I’d never be caught dead saying

This one from chickenhawk war-pimp and father of failed incompetent neocon CPA Bureaucrat Michael Ledeen:

If you don?t read PowerLine every day, you?re slighting your education.

Yes, just think of how you might “slight your education” by failing to read brilliant observations such as:

“Our Churchill is actually President.”

Or:

“It?s hard to say what a marginally-informed citizen would make of the Katrina hearing, but my own impression was that the only person in the room who had any idea what he was talking about was [disgraced, fired, incompetent former FEMA director] Michael Brown.”

Who called the current President Bush:

“A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius”

You wouldn’t want to “slight your education” by missing intellectual pearls like that, any more than you’d want to “slight” your health care by missing a doctor who treats poison oak with a chainsaw.

via Instaputz

Who Needs a Good Cock-Punching?

It’s been a while, and we recognize that we cannot possibly cover everyone in need of a good cock-punching, but here is our list of Who Needs a Good Cock-Punching for this Friday:

1. Chickenhawking, not-my-sons egotisticial moron Mitt Romney

2. Faulty recollecting, worst ever President Dumbshit

3. Benito Mussolini neo-fascist fear pimp Rudy Giuliani

4. Long-time asshole and intellectual lightweight Michelle Malkin

5. Classless, dipshitted hypocrite Bud Selig. Baseball winked and nodded at a generation of steroid users like Sosa, McGuire and Palmiero, and now this assclown sits on his hands and pretends to be shocked at Bonds.

6. Man-crushing dullard Chris “Tweety” Mathews

7. Amnesiac “historian” Victor Davis Hanson.

8. Dog-fighting quarterback Michael Vick.

9. All 30-something “Young” Republican leaders from the Midwest, everywhere

10. Flaming douchebag Bill Kristol. And let’s not forget this brilliant comment about Sunni-Shiite rifts amounting to little more than “pop sociology.”

What do YOU think? Who do YOU think needs a good cock-punching?

Three words: “Get off plane!”

Posted on July 12, 2007 by Donna Lethal

Categories: Blessed Mothers, morons

Toddler kicked off plane

Tho I seriously doubt it went like the mother says it did. We’ve all had the misfortune to be next to annoying kids and their do-nothing parents.

Penland thinks her 19-month-old son, Garren, has a bubbly personality. But Penland said when they were aboard a Continental Express plane, a flight attendant became annoyed by Garren?s personality when he kept saying three words.

?As we started taxiing, he started saying ?Bye, bye plane,? said Penland. ?At the end of her speech, she leaned over the gentleman beside me and said, ?It?s not funny anymore. You need to shut your baby up.?

In disbelief, Penland asked the woman if she was kidding. It was then, Penland said, the flight attendant went too far.

?She then said, ?You know, it?s called baby Benadryl. And I said, ‘Well, I’m not going to drug my child so you have a pleasant flight.’

Bubbly personality my ass! My three-year-old godson once repeated “pirate ship water park” nonstop for two hours on the way to Six Flags, causing me to start smoking again.

Check out the kid. You know he was driving them nuts! These comments from the Tulsa World’s site are brilliant:

2. 7/12/2007 2:12:41 PM, Shelly, Sacramento
I took the time to call Express Jet at 713-324-5000 to voice my words on behalf of the family “Why does this women still have job and I will never travel on your planes EVER” Vicky (who works for Express Jet) replied that many of passages who were on that flight called and said that the flight attendant did everything right and the child was out of hand. Who’s telling the truth?

3. 7/12/2007 2:29:52 PM, Bertha Kidd, Broken Arrow
I say we treat parents with loud obnoxious booger eating germ monkeys the way we treat smokers. Put them in their own section or have “adult only sections” in restaurants, planes and ban children under 5 from all movies PG-13 and up. The last thing I want when I’m out for a nice dinner or movie, is to hear the annoying sounds of a spoiled brat because you are too poor/lazy to get a sitter. There are Chuck E Cheeses and cartoon movies for a reason. If they can’t behave, they shouldn’t be part of adult venues.

4. 7/12/2007 2:41:09 PM, Lewis, Tulsa
They used to have “smoking” and “no smoking” sections of airplanes. Why can’t they have “children” and “no children” sections. Restaurants too. I’m sick of other people’s children screaming at, drooling on and staring at me.

Yee Haw!

Posted on June 21, 2007 by Paul

Categories: dumbass, Jane, Lisa, morons, sports

The BBC version is semi-tongue in cheek.

US crowd beats passenger to death

An angry Texas crowd has beaten and killed a 40-year-old car passenger after a driver injured a young girl near the site of a busy local festival.

Police said the driver of the car had stopped to check on the health of the girl, said to be aged three or four.

But when the passenger got out to see how she was, he was set upon by a group of up to 20 people before being left lying in a car park, police said.

The girl was hit at low speed and was not seriously injured.

The incident happened near Austin, Texas, as crowd of between 2,000-3,000 people gathered for the annual Juneteenth festival, which commemorates the freeing of American slaves.

‘Group mentality’

According to reports, the driver of the car hit the girl at a low speed while moving through a car park, and then stopped so his passenger could check on her condition.

But the angry crowd quickly turned on David Rivas Morales, 40, beating him before leaving him lying on the ground.

He was taken to hospital but pronounced dead soon afterwards. A preliminary autopsy listed “blunt force trauma” as the cause of death, the Associated Press reported.

The driver was able to leave the scene in his car.

“Mr Morales could have been assaulted by two to 20 folks,” said Harold Piatt, from the Austin police department.

“It’s that same crowd mindset of being one face in 1,000. Things get out of hand pretty quickly and people don’t have the good sense to stop.”

I so don’t give a shit

Posted on June 14, 2007 by Alex

Categories: Sophie, morons, good lord

Article in the LA Times says that Hilton is serving more time than similar perps.

More time, less time, I don’t give a shit. The media circus surrounding one talentless pseudo-celebrity whose primary claim to fame is giving head on video and not getting paid for it (which takes a lot of effort in this, the porn capital of the world) is past absurd. Just go away.

You’d think a Kennedy crashed a vehicle or something.

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