Why excerpt it when you can read it in all of its cringeworthy glory?

My DSL died last week. I’ve been on the phone w/more guys named “Joe,” “Steve,” and “Carl,” which I didn’t know were popular names in India, and no result. Even when I ordered the wireless router hardware, it showed up minus the setup CD and instruction booklet. Meanwhile, Earthlink sends me “DSL problems? Here’s how to fix!” emails (how they expect me to follow them with no service is beyond me) and instructions like, “Can you call us back in four hours?”

Grrr! By this morning I had had enough, and called to cancel, which of course, is a pain in the ass because they don’t want you to leave. It’s kind of interesting not being online at home. Since I sit in front of a computer for 10 hours a day, there’s a sense of relief and not being able to give in to the faux-urgency of “having” to check my email or blog something the minute it pops into my head. Of course, I have to fix the situation and am wondering who to call next (att? verizon? satan?) to start the ugly cycle up again, but in the meantime, a weekend of abbott and costello awaits me.

BEND, Oregon (AP) — Last weekend, Kent Couch settled down in his lawn chair with some snacks — and a parachute. Attached to his lawn chair were 105 large helium balloons.

This depressed me:

Hot off the psychology presses: Men work out at gyms because women are sexually attracted to muscular men. That’s the conclusion, after a careful four-year study, of two UCLA researchers.

The finding, by PhD student David Frederick and associate professor Martie Haselton, stemmed in part from a study of 99 UCLA undergraduates of varying brawniness. As described in a news release about the paper (entitled “Lift more weights, find more mates”), the undergrads were photographed and then rated for muscularity on a 9-point scale, where nine was the most muscular and one was the least.

The men were also quizzed about their sexual histories — and the muscular ones, it transpired, were twice as likely as the less muscular to have had more than three sexual partners in their life.

Other studies by the UCLA duo (published together in the latest issue of the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin) found that men who rated themselves as being above-average muscular also were more promiscuous and more likely to have had short-term flings, including ones with women who had boyfriends.

One of the interesting aspects of the study was that last: that guys who perceive themselves as being muscular have more affairs. So there is a confidence-component, which makes me wonder if it is the muscles or the confidence that women find attractive …

Belgian guest finds frozen bodies

A Belgian man has been arrested after a dinner guest helping to clear up after the meal opened a freezer and found the body of the host’s wife and stepson.

The 42-year-old host had invited guests for dinner at his home in the city of Verviers, 125km (78 miles) east of Brussels, prosecutors said.

A woman guest left the table to put leftovers in the freezer and alerted the authorities to the discovery.

Police said they were aware of domestic abuse issues between the wife and host.

‘Ill at ease’

Christine Wilwerth, at the Verviers prosecutor’s office, said the suspect had indicated he had had a quarrel with his wife and she had been stabbed.

However, he had no initial explanation for the 12-year-old boy’s death.

Ms Wilwerth said: “It was a lady who at the end of the meal at a friend’s house, and after washing the dishes… decided to take the leftovers of the meal down to the basement to store in the deep freeze.

“Once she opened the deep freeze, she discovered the bodies.”

Guests then alerted police but refrained from telling the host.

He seemed “ill at ease”, Ms Wilwerth quoted the guests as saying.

“The couple was already known to police for domestic violence,” Ms Wilwerth said.

It was not immediately clear how or when the deaths occurred but Ms Wilwerth said the time of death could date back several weeks.

I usually reserve these things for “Beauty Parlor” or my own blog, but since we’re still in our “beta-version” of MRev, the beauty parlor isn’t quite there yet. I’ve been a little lax in blogging, as I’ve been vacationing … a little east coast, a little high desert, and some routine body-maintenance, too. Y’know - physical, blood work, poking, prodding, xraying, dermatology, not to mention my ongoing dental woes.

But this sort of news gets me down: high cholesterol. God knows I only eat non-fat everything except for the full-on filet mignon I get at Musso’s about 4 times a year, if that. I hike, I lift weights (just little ones), I walk the pup (an 80+ pup, that is;) I do yoga and exercises every day, my bones are in great shape (I got them scanned, just like Superman), the dermatologist REFUSED to consider giving me lipo (!) and complimented me on the condition of my skin as well as my vast knowledge of sunblocks.

I haven’t had a drink in years b/c it makes me puke. I’m allergic to narcotics. I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I probably was selling drugs to preschoolers in a former life and am paying for it now karmically. The upside to all of this: I look pretty good, if I say so myself. And it’s all real. More importantly, I feel great.

But what about the insides? Why is my cholesterol high? Ah … the one thing that gives me great skin, red hair, that younger-looking-as-I-get-older-thing: genetics. I want to scream “it’s not fair!” but there’s lots that not fair (besides, that phrase will forever be linked in my head with a crying Paris Hilton) … and it’s not the end of the world, blah blah blah. It just makes no sense to me. All of those burgers I passed on, all of that half-and-half that I pass by at Starbucks, all of the REAL ice cream that I avoid in favor of nearly flavorless “low fat frozen yogurt!” garbage. Why?

speaking of ass …

over Chris Benoit, who is now most definitely a pencil neck geek. update: i had to take that picture down … it was making me think bad things.

best part of the coverage?
an msnbc reporter asking another, “did he have a history of violent behavior?”

A Celine Dion Airline Jingle is the perfect theme song for Hilary Clinton.

Now he’s offering four to eight more years of more bullshit:

Ralph Nader says he is seriously considering running for president in 2008 because he foresees another Tweedledum-Tweedledee election that offers little real choice to voters.

“You know the two parties are still converging — they don’t even debate the military budget anymore,” Nader said in a 30-minute interview. “I really think there needs to be more competition from outside the two parties.”

~~~

Nader would have little or no chance of winning the presidency should he run, but he doesn’t need to win to affect the outcome: Many Democrats still blame Nader for draining enough votes away from Al Gore in Florida in 2000 to elect George W. Bush.

If Nader thinks the difference between “Bush” and any other candidate who, unlike the Decider, is even marginally competent and half-sane, then he is well and truly fucked.

Please. Go. The. Fuck. Away.

Coitus interruptus?
Naked couple who fell from roof to their deaths may have been having sex

COLUMBIA, S.C. - Police on Wednesday were investigating how a naked couple fell 50 feet from the roof of an office building to their deaths.

The bodies were found on the road by a passing cabdriver around 5 a.m. Wednesday.

Clothing was discovered on the roof of the four-story building, leading authorities to suspect the man and woman, in their early 20s, may have been having sex. Their identities were not released.

“It’s too early to rule out anything,” Columbia police Sgt. Florence McCants said, but McCants said a preliminary investigation did not show any sign of foul play.

May?

DL: just ‘cuz I’ve been on vacation doesn’t mean you have to ignore me all the time! What am I, the redheaded stepchild?

Not quite the mile-high club
Posted June 20th, 2007 by Donna Lethal
Categories: what the fuck?, Darwin Award

… or as my friend Eve Golden quipped, “The Sailor Who Fell with Grace from the Roof:”
OR: “Sgt McCants investigates No-Pants Dance gone wrong”

COLUMBIA, S.C. (AP) — Police on Wednesday were investigating how a naked couple fell 50 feet from the roof of a downtown office building to their deaths. The bodies were found on the road by a passing cabdriver around 5 a.m. Wednesday. Clothing was discovered on the roof, leading authorities to suspect the man and woman, in their early 20s, may have been having sex. Their identities were not released. “It’s too early to rule out anything,” Columbia police Sgt. Florence McCants said, but McCants said a preliminary investigation didn’t show any sign of foul play.